An e-mail exchange, initiated after 10pm:
Dude: Dude, I just bought a (third-hand) guitar at a pawn shop with your name on it. What can you tell me about it? (Sends photo.)
Us: From what we recall, it was given to a charity for auction about thirteen years ago. It’s made out of high-quality walnut and we put the best hardware we had at the time into it. If you purchased it for under $500, you got a deal.
Dude: Dude, it has a small crack in the neck. What should I do?
Us: Those guitars were designed to be serviced easily and with a variety of aftermarket parts. The neck bolts on with four screws and a face-plate. If you see an aftermarket neck you like, odds are it will fit easily and you can replace it very simply yourself.
Dude: What are its dimensions?
Us: Well, since every guitar is handmade, I’d have to take it apart and measure it to be exact. In general, the neck should have a 42mm width.
Dude: Don’t you make necks?
Us: We don’t make bolt-on necks anymore. We make fitted necks that are proprietary to the guitar’s design. Aftermarket necks are a better price and similar quality to anything we would have made, anyway. Let me see if I have something leftover from those days and, if so, I’ll let you have it. [The neck ordinarily retails for $99]
Dude: Dude, your customer service sucks. YOU SHOULD FIX THIS FOR FREE.
Us: So did Picasso’s. Besides, you’re not a customer. A customer is someone who gives us money for our labor and services. Be patient and I’ll get back to you.
Dude: DUDE, YOU HAVE NO INTEGRITY AND THIS SAYS A LOT ABOUT THE QUALITY OF YOUR WORKMANSHIP!
Us: So, you don’t want the free neck, then? You know, because of integrity and all.
Dude: [crickets]