Last year, a seminary student asked me what was my greatest lament about ordained ministry. I didn't have an answer as I really try, sometimes successfully, not to think that way about my profession, as it is easy to sink into a morass of lamentations. Instead, I try to think about those moments of quiet ministry that are difficult to see outside of the instant, or impossible to see through the lens of lament.
However, I realized something today that was never a part of ministry until recent years. It has to do with a quality manifest by some parents and the remarkable absence of mutuality in their relationship with their parish.
I've worked for The Episcopal Church for over 33 years. My very first diocese was made up of all male clergy and the dress code for conventions and other meetings called for black suits. It went without question that we would be totally devoted to those in our care. That meant, to use language which discomfits contemporary clergy, they were our flock and we their shepherd and we did all in our power to attend to them.
This didn't just mean making sure that the liturgy and its sermons were theologically sound, or that those in hospitals, nursing homes, or otherwise kept from attendance on Sundays received the sacrament, it meant that one became a presence, sometimes ubiquitously so, at Little League games, soccer games, school musicals, graduations, and any other social occasion that included members of the parish.
I have attended all manner of such events, of course, and behind the scenes have made sure children had baseball mitts, the funds required for school trips and summer camp, and had someone beyond just family to applaud when they won an award. That was how I was taught priesthood worked, and I've never had any experience that would cause me to doubt its efficacy.
Except I've almost reached the point of "Why bother?" after some experiences in recent years. While I continue to attend games and school events, and even support such to the point of pledging significant parish money to the restoration of a local athletic field, I find that the parents of these children often have no interest in participating in the life of faith. Not only do they not donate to our corporate life, nor attend on a regular basis, if at all, but they will even go so far as to sign up to read the lections or host after-service fellowship, and then not show up. No notice, no apology. If asked, they were "busy", you see.